You Are Not Busy (Yes, That Means You)
Chris Sinagoga | Saturday, June 3, 2017 at 9:48AM My first real interaction with Mr. Carey is also one of the most embarrassing moments of my coaching career. This was, of course, back in the New Old Weight Room days when Mr. Wonsil was our only dad, unweighting was dip-shrug-drop-stand, and Mama V didn't know what a wallball was (not that she does now).
Mrs. Carey had been giving me a heads up for awhile that her husband wanted to talk to me, not about joining CrossFit, but to pick my 21-year old brain about some basketball stuff. Eventually Mr. Carey ended up joining the gym and a few days in, he approached me about it.
Mr. Carey: "Hey Chris, so I'm coaching the 7th grade boys team at GA, and I was wondering if we could take about 5 minutes some time and go over some offensive sets you think would work at this level?"
Me: "I don't know man, I'm really busy at the moment and don't really have the time."
Welp... so much for thatYeah man. Not my best moment, no explanation needed.
...........
In Whiplash, Terrence Fletcher said there are no two words in the English language more destructive than "good job." I think one of the worst four-letter words is b-u-s-y. It's a cop-out; a passive aggressive way to say "I do not want to make this thing a priority." I don't really pay attention to society as a whole and current trends enough to make educated claims about what's wrong with "kids these days," and I'm not that far removed from kids these days to be included in the mix. My general observations make me think that there are a lot of opportunities for people living in the modern world to 1) over-stretch themselves and 2) avoid personal confrontation. The combination of these two tends to lead to:
"I can't, I'm busy."
The antidote to this is setting solid priorities and communicating them directly and clearly to everyone you are working with. When Matt Fecht approached me a few weeks ago about the possibility of working with him on a potential coaching opportunity, this was the first thing we discussed. And when I do my coaching at Lamphere, Mott, Stoney Creek, Groves, or The Family, I am also very clear about this. I disrespected one Mr. Carey in my lifetime, and thankfully he was very Mr. Carey about it, as one would expect from Mr. Carey.
Now when it comes to you, yes you, you are not busy*. You may think you are busy, but you are not. You may have over-committed yourself, you may have a problem saying no to people, you may have multiple responsibilities, you may have other people counting on you to perform, you may have an unorganized list of priorities, you may be an inneficient worker, you may be physically tired, you may be mentally tired, you may be watching LeBron get whalloped in the NBA Finals, heck, you may just want to relax and do nothing. And the important thing is all of these are perfectly okay reasons to not do whatever it is you were asked to do. Look at this for example:
Mr. Carey: "Chris, can you go over some basketball stuff with me?"
Chris: "I don't know. I'm busy"
vs.
Mr. Carey: "Chris, can you go over some basketball stuff with me?"
Chris: "Is there any way it could wait until after the season? I'm having a tough time trying to manage the influx of football kids in the Champions Club with my own basketball season winding down."
or
Mr. Carey: "Chris, can you go over some basketball stuff with me?"
Chris: "Honestly I've done a bad job of stretching myself too thin at the moment, would you be okay trying to work around my schedule? Maybe rebound for me for a bit while I practice then we'll go over some stuff on the court?"
Notice how it is also a lot harder to say no when you are not using "busy" in your sentence. This shows us that we are not quite as busy as we thought and, in my experience, helps remove some of the overwhelming feeling that comes with thinking you have too much to do. And when you do say no, it doesn't feel as bad for either party because it is followed by a good explanation.
Here is a challenge: see if you can go this entire week without using that ugly 4-letter word. Remove "busy" from your vocabulary on all conversations, text messages, emails, and everything else except the comment that will probably come from Concerned Fitizen mocking me. See what happens; my guess is you'll find more time and energy to get things accomplished.
*I would like to make the note that this may disclude having kids. I have seen plenty of parents manage a houseful of kids and still refrain from using the "busy" excuse, but seeing as I cannot relate I give them a pass.
Reader Comments (5)
Preach, brother. Since I've started PhD studies, the thing that gives me the most anxiety is the constant feeling that there is always something you COULD be doing to improve yourself, your results, etc. Therefore, any time someone asks me to do something, they're taking time away from me doing something else. I've come across this recently with younger members of my lab/program asking for advice. What's interesting, I've found that helping them IS a form of improving myself. In other words, every time I help someone else, any of the following things may happen: my teaching skills improve, I notice something I may not have noticed before, I can then ask that person for advice on a topic of their expertise. On top of all that, I get the satisfaction of helping someone with something I'd struggled with in the past.
Thanks VJ. Interesting you mention that. I've recently thought about giving everyone I coach (basketball or CrossFit), an opportunity to coach a session or practice, themselves. It gives you an incredibly different perspective and athletes that I've coached previously and butted heads with have made major changes when they became coaching. And I always feel like Larry Bird when he said, "there is always someone, somewhere, practicing right now."
As for the b**y thing, the less I use that word the more I notice how often other people rely on it. Like it's a badge of honor.
I love this post. This is exactly how I try to phrase things. It usually comes down to "Sabal, can you help with blank?" "Yes, if we can do it at such and such time. If not, I won't be able to until it's too late."
This is really a great article. I read it when you posted it, and I still reference this and reread it periodically. Great perspective on the topic. It helps me to organize things in a hectic schedule. Stellar job for original writing that has stuck in my brain for this long.
Did Ashley Fry post under Binno's name? The word "stellar" was a giveaway.
Thank you though. As they say, No Idea's Original, so I can't take too much credit. It has definitely helped me though.