CrossFit Athletic Group

All the kids at the Club liked Christmas a lot

Well... all except Chris

Not Chris Me

But Chris Schott

Schott hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season

Ha! Don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason

It could be, perhaps, that his socks were too bright

Or it could be his biceps weren't proportioned just right

But I think why he grinches 'bout Christmas like that

Could've been because Ethan whiteboarded him "Shat"

But whatever the reason, his 'ceps or his poo

He held out a grudge of ten Chrisses, plus 2

Glaring down in a fury, and flicking his hair

Like a hipster in thought while he walked down his stairs

"That's not how it's spelled!" he piffed to the ground

"A and O don't make the same sound

"Why, for too many months I've put up with this now

"I must stop Ethan from coming back for Christmas...

"But how?"

And then he got an idea

An awful idea

Chris Schott got an awful, disgusting idea

"I know just what to do," Schott jumped up with glee

"I'll drive out to his house and I'll shat by his tree."

And he chuckled like a boy in the back of his class

As he imagined the tree and his pants and his ass

"All I need is a raindeer," said Schott, for some reason

"There's got to be one in this dumb Christmas season."

Schott looked around near and he looked around far

"Fine, fine" said Chris Schott,

"I'll just drive my blue hipster car."

Schott got in his car and he hipstered the clutch

And he whistled a tune two whistles too much

He paused only once, just to call up Mrs. B

To give him directions to 7-4-3

Where Ethan lay snoozed in his holiday glee

His car travelled north for some time and some way

Till he pulled up the drive where the Hana's house lay

There was only one stop, no plan for stop two

He flipped up his hair and then tied up his shoe

And he squinted and scrunched at the windows ahead

There was Ethan's head laying with his teddy bear, Ned

Cozy and warm in his rocketship bed

"What. A. Whimp."

hipped Schott, to himself

As he tucked his pants down in his socks like an elf

Then he crept to the house on the tips of his toes

With some hate in his heart and some frost on his nose

He looked at the chimney for two seconds at least

And imagined the soot and the coal and the grease

His hair could not - would not - put up with all that chagrin

So he just went to the front door and walked himself in

"It's not even locked," said Schott with a gander

'Round the family room floor where Ethan's toys scattered

There were heroes and villains, stuffed monkeys and mooses

Hot Wheels and airplanes and choo-choo cabooses

If his plan was to work he just needed to prep

So he slowly crept up to the the fridge step by step

He ate brownies and cheeses and Reeses and meats

And skim milk and pudding, and even their treats!

He cleaned out their ice box, he licked every plate

Now all that was left was to sit there and wait

Tick, tick, tick, tick, went the clock on the wall

The house was the bathroom, the tree was the stall

The Baby Ruth candy bar ready to fall

When Schott did his business he left in a flash

With no trace of a stain, not even a dash

It was quarter to six and the evening was young

Now back to the gym where the Champions Club hung

The six thirty session was 'bout to begin

When Schott parked his car and strutted on in

We were all in the dark, no one knew of his dare

We were all too put off by his socks and his hair

He gave us a grin

And later a nod

Then Ethan walked in

The feeling odd

The whole room fell silent, there was nothing to hear

Schott paused, and then he put a hand to his rear

But then Ethan walked over and offered his hand

"Marry Christmas, Chris Schott, from me and my fam."

And what happened then? Well, in Pooville they say

Schott turned to the crowd and told us he's...

Sorry, so sorry, and still sorry today

...........

Welcome kids from east to west

From GV's lakes to OU's nest

Summer time will always be

Our favorite theme, our family tree

But once a year we gather round

The biggest crowd this side of town

One session shines through all of them

On Christmas Eve at 9 am