CrossFit Athletic Group

Since I'm in coaching mode most of the day, I'm wired to find a problem and help the person (or myself) fix it. But recently I've been trying to notice whether or not the person actually wants help a that very moment. The other night Shakes was talking to me after the session about the annoyances she was having outside the gym with some of her coaching stuff; after 4 minutes of venting, I asked her whether or not she was looking for help or just for someone to listen. Listening, it turns out, is all she wanted.

That conversation got me thinking about how I end up making changes, and it seems like there are three prerequisites of sorts that need to be in place first.

Desire. At a basketball practice last winter I remember butting heads with one of our kids about footwork on their jumper; the 1-2 step really needs to be automatic in order to get your shot off against good competition in high school and college. But then a rare shot of enlightenment convinced me to ask him whether or not he actually wanted to play college basketball.

Kid: "Eh... I mean, maybe, I guess."

Me:

Well that changes things. Why on earth would he make a change to help him accomplish something he doesn't really want to do? I've been there before, whether it's developing studying habits for college prep or accumulating base mileage for distance running or learning what profit margins are for making more money; I never had those end goals and not even Mr. Krstich - king of all negotiators - could convince me to put time into those things. So before all else, a desire is needed for change to happen.

Support. Once the desire is there, having the support - both from your life and from those around you - comes next. Support, by definition, is something that stays still. An example of this is your foot while you run; if your foot is stationary on the ground then you can rotate over it to begin moving, but if it's unsteady in the sand or slipping on the ice then you can't move the way you want.

A recent talk I had with Lulu convinced me that she still wants to be a pro soccer player when she gets older. Desire: check. Support: well, let's examine that.

Is she stationary? Meaning, is she organized in a way that most of her life is consistent and allow her to focus on advancing her soccer career? You know, I probably didn't did into this like I needed to, let me get back to you on this. My guess is not quite like it needs to be, but I could be wrong.

Is Mr. Gjon being a dad or being a coach? No doubt on this one: I could not think of a better dad for Lulu to have if her goal was professional soccer. Mr. Gjon gets it, bottom line; he may be physically or automotively on the move, but mentally he is very stationary. If Lulu wants it, he's all in for her, if she doesn't then he's cool with it.

What's her circle like? If I was a teenage girl soccer player, I can't think of a better circle to have than the Monkey Exhibit. Conamora, Sam Curtis, Lily, and Priti would all be people I'd feel support from. I don't know if Lulu's circle is different at school, but she's definitely got a good start here.

Timing. When you want to make a change and the support is there, the last thing to take into account is whether or not it's the right time; to continue with the running analogy, if you want to fall and your foot is a steady support, pulling too early or too late can still throw off the timing.

Last week Carvin and I talked about nutrition; he wanted to make a change, he had some money to buy his own food and his parents also help, but the timing for the full overhaul that's needed wasn't right due to his courseload and the demands of indoor/outdoor track. So if we knew what it wasn't the right time for, then it became our job to find out what was it the right time for.

Pretty quickly Carvin realized that controlling his breakfast every morning was very doable: he had no problem walking up a few minutes earlier to prep and eggs, apples, and peanuts are cheap enough to make the habit sustainable. 

It's always the right time for something, even if it's not everything you were hoping for.