CrossFit Athletic Group

I'd like to start by saying this: there were people in legitimate Athlete of the Summer consideration that didn't make the Dream Team.

Scroll up and read that again.

Trying to pick any awards for this Summer was like walking into one of those make-your-own-ice-cream-cup places with nothing but a $5 cupon. It was overwhelming in the best possible way. And really, this is a great example of how every "yes" you give comes with like 16 "no's" behind it.

Matter of fact, try it out for yourself. Pick 10 of the following people for the Dream Team:

1. Mr. Ron - 100% - 18:44 Loredo, more ripped than any of the college kids
2. Mrs. Van - 100% - 20:33 Angie, 75-lb. snatch unknowingly
3. Anto - 94% - 45:50 Bert, 26 rounds of Cindy
4. Mr. Van - 89% - 6:29 Randy, 9:41 Helen
5. Mrs. Carey - 89% - 5:25 Randy, body overhaul
6. Moustaache - 87% - learned to talk to himself
7. Mr. Malak - 84% - 375 deadlift, 9:00 mile
8. Bubs - 84% - girls gym record on Helen, 19:18 Angie
9. Mrs. Tara - 84% - 10:32 Helen, 115-lb. clean and jerk
10. Mr. Kuiper - 83% - 11:42 Helen, unguardable TE during football game
11. Mr. Carey - 79% - 7:42 Randy, body overhaul
12. Michael - 80% -150-lb. clean, fastest runner at his session
13. David Sap - 77% - 6:14 Elizabeth, gym record on Cindy
14. Cecilia - 76% - All 6's except one 5 on The Chief, 3rd best Cindy and 2nd best Nancy all time
15. Chase - 74% - 18:something Kelly, 7:36 Helen
16. Mrs. Hana - 74% - 9:00 mile
17. Madison - 73% - 275 deadlift, 22:00 Kelly
18. Zander - 71% - 12:something Angie
19. Aaron - 69% - 53.5-in box jump,15:19 Angie
20. JB - 66% - the foundation of the 10 am session, also did 37 (I think) pull-ups
21. Mr. Mark - 64% - 19:14 Angie
22. Shakes - 64% - full recovery from knee injury
23. Owen - 63% - 215 overhead squat, beat Sap on Kelly and Bert, gym record on Nancy
24. Mrs. Nevarez - 61% - won Kelly
25. Crystal - 60% - continues to defy normal logic of older = slower, found extra gear on running
26. Pitt - 51% - most improved
27. Parker - always asked to work out, Mr. Carey's partner for 80's Theme, great yo mama joke

Did you pick Cecilia over Madison? You really going to say no to a senior girl with a 22-minute Kelly and 275 deadlift and 75% attendance? Did you pick Mr. Ron over Mr. Mark? Did you see who had the better push-ups on Loredo? Did you pick David Saporito? Okay, then just look Owen in his face and tell him no, his two head-to-head wins didn't mean that much. Did you pick any moms instead of Crystal? Will they be as fit as Crystal in 20 years? Parker's your boy from the Farm System? Did you see what JB and Michael did? Were you comparing Shakes to the other girls in the gym, forgetting that she uses guys' weights?

I could easily go the other way with it too. You liked Mrs. Tara huh? She broke up squats on Angie. You like Aaron huh? He missed sub-5 on Randy by 1 second and 30 rounds of Cindy by 2 squats. Zander? DNF Helen. Chase finished Bert only in a technical sense. Mrs. Van didn't win a single workout among the moms. Mr. Kuiper didn't win a single workout among the dads.

I asked Bubs to pick her 10 and she was taking so long to choose between the Careys and Hana and Mrs. Van that I cut her short so I could get back to writing. Mr. Mark refused to pick 3 out of 6 from those who were at his session. Shakes demanded 11 names instead of 10 (which, hmmm... considering the law of Isiah Thomas...)

Nobody had an Elizabeth Banet/Ashley Fry Summer where every workout was a hit, so this process ends up becoming a major revealer of value: what do you, as the selector, value about fitness and about the Champions Club. Last year still goes down as the single most difficult decision I've ever made in the history of the Champions Club (more than the turf, moving out of Foley, or lockdown stuff), and I showed that, when everything is as equal as it can possibly be, I value competition.

There are other things I value also: Intensity is up there. Consistency is too. I really think Theme Workouts are a foundational piece of the gym, so I value those. Athleticism in sports is waaaaayyyy up there. And, honestly, just the foundations of the CrossFit methodology.

I took some jumpers while marinating on it. I played catch with my dad to help understand the value of dad calves. I visited my grandma and soaked in her 98 year-old wisdom. I prayed on it. I took a nighttime bike ride to find some clarity. I had Bubs make a Mr. Ron-style spreadsheet of all the benchmarks and Themes... and I managed to take the list from 28 to 27 (I realized I put Michael Banet on there twice).

But unlike the graph of athleticism and personality, this is truly a subjective exercise and I need to remember that my gut feeling is ultimately the deciding factor. So I guess that means now I am going to do it. I am going to do it right now. I am going to pick the Dream Team. Hhhnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg....

Champions Club Summer 2023 Dream Team

• Aaron Sexton
• Anthony Banet
• Cecilia Steinwascher 
• Chase Kuiper
• Madison Bettys
• Mr. Carey
• Mr. Kuiper
• Mrs. Carey
• Mrs. Van
• Parker Stankrauff

Man, instead of writing blurbs about who I picked I feel more compelled to write some obituaries; I don't have a very good defense for any of my decision to leave people off.  Take a look at this here picture:

I want you to look at this man and tell him he doesn't deserve to be on the Dream Team. Ripped as all get-out, 100% attendance for the second Summer in a row (and probably 98% during the school year), gives an incredible effort on his weaknesses just as much as his strengths, crushes running workouts, and sets time aside for Madelyn whenever he gets a chance.

And this...

Am I just getting so used to Bubs and Mrs. Tara crushing workouts that I'm not impressed any more? Can I beat Mrs. Tara's Chief Score? Could I beat Bubs on box jumps(!) and kb swings? If Cecilia, Maddy, Mrs. Van, or Mrs. Carey competed in any string of workouts against these two girls, how would that turn out?

A very good argument could be made that the two fittest males and the two fittest females did not make the Dream team... all of them in the top-15 attendance and three of them in the top 10.

Okay, now how bout this picture:

The pureblood family with lines that are interwoven in the Champions Club's DNA since 2013. Anto had 94% attendance and responds to my foot in his ass like Mr. Malak's responds to a spinach salad; kid beat me in Bert fergodsakes. He made the Dream Team by the hair on his beard over Owen... or maybe Sap, depending on who's in front of me. Michael Banet, on the other hand, has been anointed the Chosen One and somehow managed to outperform expectations; he stares through you, not at you, because you are just another petty obstacle in the way of his destination. And Moustaache... if 12 years of Catholic School has taught me anything it's that I need to repent when I turn away from Jesus. So allow me a few minutes of private confession.

...

...

All right. Well, I suppose the job is still not done yet, seeing as tradition says we need a banner. Believe it or not, I actually have more clarity in the top-3 than the top 10. They can be found in this picture.

And while the distinctions will always be blurry, I feel pretty comfortable with the order also. It looks like the parent in the rafters prediction is gonna come true.