CrossFit Athletic Group

In an act of uncharacteristic planning and preparation hitherto undemonstrated by your author, the Champions Club Summer 2023 Attendance Draft took place last night - marking the first time in history(?) (I'm not looking it up, I used up all my preparation energy) the Draft happened during the first week. I am also pleased to announce, again, that we have employed Mr. Mel K(u)iper to give his expert analysis on the selections.

Captains - in the order of selection - are: Mr. Malak, Mrs. Hana, Mrs. Tara, and Mr. Carey. The selected from the main group first (parents, college kids, high schoolers), then Rookies (picks 19-21), and then Wild Card. For the Wild Card group, they either have not yet confirmed whether or not they'll be in this Summer, or will be in on a part-time basis; the team Captain can replace their attendance with anyone in their group if desired, but their attendance will not count against the total if they don't show up enough. It was a traditional serpentine selection (hmmm... I wonder if next year we should do bidding) where the first round went Mr. Malak-Mrs. Hana-Mrs. Tara-Mr. Carey, then the second round went Mr. Carey-Mrs. Tara-Mrs. Hana-Mr. Malak.

Here's how it turned out:

My Achilles, Chief (Mr. Malak)

1. Mr. Ron
2. Anto
3. Mya
4. Evan
5. Mrs. Burton
6. Faith
7. Allie Tefend
8. Owen
9. Jay
10. Madison
11. Makenna
12. Jaxson
13. Sarah
14. Sam
15. Emma Lang
16. Kyron
17. Mici
18. Loop
19. Allie Adams
20. Jonah
21. Sophie
22. Wesley
23. Kate
24. Mrs. Jayme

K(u)iper's analysis. Mr. Ron was the first overall selection, and a Kennedy selection for sure, but Mr. Malak also made great choices in the 2nd and 4th round with Anto and Evan. He did take a couple risks by keeping families together (Madison/Makenna, Sam/Sarah, Mrs. Hana/Kyron, but I believe all those are safe bets. But my goodness, it's like Mr. Malak is the mayor of Madison Heights: With Mya, Faith, Jay, Jaxson, Emma Lang, Jonah, Sophie, Wesley, and Kate, it looks like a hometown bias was very prevalent here. In fact, one wonders whether or not Mr. Malak was sending a message to someone who thinks they're too uppity for our beloved city...

I'm In Rochester Now (Mrs. Hana)

1. Mrs. Van
2. Jessica
3. Mr. Curtis
4. Mrs. Carey
5. Mr. Mark
6. Paris
7. Coach Casey
8. Crystal
9. Shakes
10. Tea'
11. Mrs. Robinson
12. Mr. Bennis
13. Conamora
14. Perk
15. Mrs. Kiffany
16. Mackenzie
17. Arthur
18. Jelena
19. Natalie
20. Dita
21. Jack
22. Mrs. Lanette
23. Loretta
24. Mr. Andrew

K(u)iper's analysis. Whether it's due to a feeling of security, a belief of her persuasive power, or her knowledge of something the rest of us don't know, Mrs. Hana has decided to roll the dice on the parents and see where that takes I'm In Rochester Now. The Champions Club has 26 parents on their roster; Mrs. Hana is hording 11 of them on her attendance team. True, Mrs. Van is a very safe pick at #2 overall, but Mr. Curtis has a work schedule conflict undisclosed before the Draft, Mr. Mark's head is still inflated from his spring performance, Coach Casey misread the flyer saying the Nationals were looking for a bas(k)e(t)ball coach, and we all know it takes significant persuasion to get Crystal here on weekends or mobility. Though, Shakes and Tea in back-to-back picks might have been the steal of the draft.

Green Beans and Grass for Lunch (Mrs. Tara)

1. Mr. Van
2. Aaron
3. Koje
4. Moustaache
5. Cecilia
6. Mr. Kuiper
7. Mrs. Hill
8. Chase
9. David Sap
10. CT
11. Mr. Robinson
12. Avery Hill
13. Dylan
14. Pitt
15. Josh Backos
16. Koltin
17. Derek
18. Caleb Backos
19. Michael Banet
20. Money
21. Zeena
22. Carvin
23. Schulz
24. Reese

K(u)iper's analysis. Never mind. Cecilia going in the 5th round was the steal of the draft. However I would like to discuss the selection of Koje in the 3rd; some of you may not know that Koje is not only a stud soccer player, but also an up-and-coming lawyer who has already represented 4 cases in her young career; the most successful of which saw her client win damages that included 2 pieces of bubble gum and a Bennigan's gift card. I cannot confirm the rumors that contract negotiations and endorsements were involved in get jumping all the way up to the 3rd round, but I cannot deny the rumors either. It should also benoted that she chose Mr. Kuiper over her (non-gym) husband in the 6th round. Oddly enough, she was not the first person in this Draft to perform such a sinful action...

In the Bathroom for the Warmup Run (Mr. Carey)

1. Bubs
2. Dillon
3. Zander
4. Mrs. Nevarez
5. Josh Van
6. Jaylee
7. Mr. Gjon
8. Lulu
9. Bethany
10. Mr. Bitu
11. Bewick
12. Lily
13. Jenna
14. Priti
15. Samantha
16. Kadence
17. Ashlyn
18. Gavin
19. JB
20. Andrew
21. Bread
22. Erica
23. Mr. Krstich
24. Calan

K(u)iper's analysis. With the 1st pick in the 4th round, Mr. Carey stared in his fatherly wisdom at the Champions Club recruiting board. Actually, no he didn't. He merely looked up into the group standing and watching the Draft and found himself settled on the beautiful eyes of his wife, Mrs. Carey - the longest standing Champions Club member, Athlete of the Decade, and reigning Summer 2022 Dream Team member... then he reached back down to the board and picked Mrs. Nevarez's name to add to his team. Three picks later Mrs. Hana picked Mrs. Carey. But that act alone may have been the single most impressive action in Mr. Carey's 12 years in the Champions Club, and should be interpreted as a threat to all other captains: In the Bathroom for the Warmup Run is not playing any schoolyard games this Summer, they're here to take home the championship, and I am predicting they will beat Bruce Almighty's Summer 2021 team attendance record.

Projected finish:

1. In the Bathroom for the Warmup Run (65.1%)
2. Green Beans and Grass for Lunch (61%)
3. My Achilles, Chief (60.7%)
4. I'm In Rochester Now (58.9%)