CrossFit Athletic Group

Previously: Best Session, Best Beast Mode.

Just missed this one for March, but even though I said I'd save this for a different list, I decided this is good enough to stand on its own. A "session" consists of 8 members - 4 boys and 4 girls - and one person can only be used once, despite being able to qualify during multiple years (ie. Jacob was entertaining in 2012 and 2017.) That's probably obvious for this post, not so much for future lists for specific session. As for this one, not only does that specific athlete's personality get taken into account, but their chemistry with the rest of this session. In all, this is what I would deem the most entertaining session, regardless of who wanted to join to make the number 9 or 10. Enjoy!

...........

Alex Faust (2015)

On May 21, 2013 my cousin Josh brought in his final Northwood Football recruit to the Champions Club for Fundamentals. I didn't know any background about Faust before coming in, but I figured he would be another rippling stud like the previous 3. Instead what came through those garage doors was a 6'4, 235-lb., babyfat-having, former tight end, D1-transfer kicker. A kicker. Rather, the most unstereotypical kicker of all time. He introduced himself to Jacob during a couch stretch, not with a traditional "hi," but with a comically innocent question regarding Jacob's... er, how the do I put this into suitable words... dining tolerance. He told a squeamish, Catholic high school girl she'd think of him the first time she kissed a boy. Look at that on paper and you'd be like, "who the hell is letting this person in the gym?" But this is also the same person who can charm Mama V out of her spectacles and bring up JZ when he didn't feel like he had a good workout.

Faust left after Summer 2013 to play his final season at Northwood, then traveled around a bit before making a surprise return in January 2015. At that time our demographic at the gym was a little different - parents, college kids, Matt Fecht (who temporarily used Faust as his agent), high schoolers were kind of separate - and I really got to see the diversity of Faust's social skills. There is not one single person in the gym he wouldn't be able to converse with. And yet he still was fringe enough to spice up the atmosphere with an innuendo any opportunity he could.

Master P (2014)

By far the toughest decision on here. In this case, the youth wins. Master P (legally known as Evan Augustine) is the younger brother of Jacob. The word "weird" is used often to describe people. And yes, Master P is weird. But he's not the weird that causes a concern for other people (Erika and Jason are unphased above). He's a spectrum of weird that poses no threat to you whatsoever... but Jeebus did he eat paint chips as a kid?

Master P spent about 3 days during Fundamentals in 2012 being shy, then immediately sprung to life and could only be blunted if Jacob was at the same session. His timing for jokes and sense of humor is the most impressive I've seen from anyone at any age. He did not swear all that much, didn't make a ton of dick or boob jokes, but just made everyone - kids and parents - laugh somehow. Plus he was really good at drawing.

Mr. Anderson (2015)

"You know they say necessity is the mother of invention, but Mr. Anderson is the father."

- Mr. Anderson

When the Careys told me they had a new family joining in May 2015, I had a feeling it would be a great addition and I was not disappointed. Ryan Anderson came in first, soon followed by Mr. A, Mrs. A, and Kyle. They were the Colussis without that annoying left-handed ferret that keeps following them around. They were the Wonsils that could tell the difference between a football and a basketball. And if they were about 15 minutes closer, they would probably be as well-known as any family in Champions Club history. The head of the household was also the most unlike any of the others: trash-talking, sarcastic, and very out of shape when he first came in For those reasons, we loved him!

Mr. Anderson is a walking encyclopedia for sports and movies. He organized a Godfather viewing in Summer 2015 and even helped explain the part where the chicks were comparing guys' dong sizes. He was a dad in every sense of the word, from the flawless hollow rocks to the portioned middle-chest sweat. But he also possessed a youthful energy that brought a session to life. And if that's not enough, his quotes in the Behind the Champion feature and his infamous I Am The Visitor From Macomb Michigan were enough to solidify a spot.

Coach Casey (2019)

"Lettuce: the taste of sadness"

The Champions Club has somehow attracted a group of really healthy, fit people who all have a particular dislike for all things that help towards being healthy and fit. In other words, we're a work out group that really doesn't like working out. The epitome of this is Coach Casey. Take away the basketball nerding out and early 90s hip hop references, having someone like Coach Casey be as social and involved as he is plays a huge part in shaping the culture here. As much as handstand push-ups and deadlifts can be glorified in the fitness community, nobody would be doing them if we weren't sedentary pieces of poo for the other 23 hours of the day. Having that perspective is an important part in not getting lost in the specificity of what we do here. After all, this is just working out; you can't take yourself too seriously if you're working out next to someone with a Body By Nachos shirt.

In order to do something that we don't necessarily enjoy, there has to be laughter at some point either before, during or after. The Marines say that suffering mixed with laughter is what builds bonds so tightly in their ranks. That also holds true at the Champions Club. The thing every male on this list has in common is impeccable timing for when to be entertaining and when not to. Casey Colussi is about as good as anyone when it comes to flipping it on and off. 80s workout: no-brainer. Craig Mack dying: that took some clever wordplay there. He was also the first person to finish his first rope climb by taking both of his hands off the rope.

Anita Partyka (2011)

Anita Lynn Partyka has never, once, given any regard for timing.

At whatever point was most inconvenient for me to be distracted, Anita had this incredible knack for knowing exactly which button to push that would make me feel the most uncomfortable. Disregarding personal space? Dressing up as me for Halloween? Making a post called 11 Tips For Starting a Conversation with Chris Sinagoga? She had every technique one could hope for.  A challenging thing about coaching Anita was she was actually really, really good at CrossFit. Think female Jay Junkin: naturally coordinated, good body for any movement, great technique, strong, and in shape enough to never have to stray from the comfort zone to get a good workout score. So sometimes I would make the mistake and try to... you know... coach her. This would usually result in me getting roasted about something embarrassing I did in high school. The even more challenging thing about coaching Anita was when she did rip on me, it was usually 1) correct and 2) really funny. So I couldn't really do much but laugh.

Anita Partyka is the only person in the history of the Champions Club with a Theme Workout named after her. And I can still say that she deserves it. Great kid and someone who will always be welcome back at the gym any time she's around!

Tara Taylor (2013)

Did any of you know that Mama V's bladder problem can be traced back to one single event?

Anita and I go back a ways to Mr. Miauri's freshman year religion class, which is kinda cool. Tara and I go back to Down By The Bay in Mrs. Clark's first grade class. I was 7 and I had never heard the name Tara before, and she liked basketball... so for about a month I thought she was a boy. When I found out she was a girl I immediately got nervous and stopped talking to her. By 8th grade, though, we were really cool and remained close through high school at Foley. Somehow Tara ended up on the roster for our Summer 2010 in the Old Weight Room and finished behind Frankie Lama in our Athlete of the Summer voting. She then continued to be pretty consistent through about 2016 when work took her all over the place.

Tara is the Coach Casey on the girls' side of this session. She would never interrupt my rhythm or go out of her way to make anyone uncomfortable. In fact, the opposite. Other than the time she flipped on Carter when he told her to eff off, she was as welcoming as anyone we've had in the gym. Sure she would drop a random f-bomb during max effort days, but she smiled after it! How could you be mad? In-between sessions is where most of her magic would come, whether it was hanging out with Emma or inflicting her traditional Steroid Easter Bunny Punch (photo gallery can be seen here.) Tara was an absolute gem to have as part of our family and is the reason why someone as cool as Tara Colussi will always be "Mrs. Colussi" instead of "Tara" on the site. There will only ever be one Tara!

Bubs

I know I have said this before, but Mariah Fielder is tied with Aaron Sexton as my all-time favorite person in the Champions Club. I really can't pick a year because she's Bubs: ever-present and always the exact same. So here's a picture of her at Lifts 4 Gifts 2018.

I think the reason why I admire Bubs so much because she is always, always herself. Bubbly, huggy, smiling, crying, laughing, yelling, complimenting... whatever she feels in that moment is exactly what comes out. It always puts a smile on my face, no matter how many rounded backs and duck feet I saw that day.

Bubs was our Athlete of the Summer in 2012 and was one of the few who followed up the next Summer with an even better showing (Bromm was just lights-out in 2013). Bubs's true value to our community showed during her college years, though. I am embarrassed to admit that I did not think we would see her again once she graduated college, but she proved me woefully wrong and came back, blending in with older faces (Jacob, Mama V, Murley, Shannon) and newer ones. She is good at CrossFit, incredibly easy to get along with, and someone we will be seeing in future All-Decade lists, so I'm gonna leave it here.

Arlene (2017)

This was the toughest decision on the girls' side, but how could you go against this:

That was 2016 when R was still a little too new to unleash her full sass. By 2017 she had her name spraypainted on the floor and would give the most incredible threats to anyone who innocently stood over the R-spot. All texts sent to her were responded with elegant attitude or a detailed list of demands. She would also make her own warmup and stuff her shoulders for cleans.

Much like Coach Casey, R often goes out of her way to introduce herself to new people in a way that's non-confrontational and welcoming with juuuust enough of her attitude to not sound robotic. Unlike Coach Casey, Arlene does not have the personality that will hit with everyone. Her and I have had plenty of sessions not liking each other. The cool thing with her is how up front she is, which makes reconciliation very easy. In the context of this session, I think she would be a great fit, adding a swagger that we just can't get from all these suburban kids - both during workouts and during down-time. She is truly one-of-a-kind at the Champions Club; crazy high maintenance and worth every bit of it!

...........

Special Honorable mention: Jacob Augustine and Matt Morrow. Founding/only members of the Handsome Gentlemen's Club. I really had 2 spots for 4 people and unfortunately Morrow and Jacob got cut off the final list. Jacob's sense of humor is really difficult to scale down in demographic and Morrow didn't have the reps past Summer 2012 to see how he would have progressed.

Honorable Mention: Alan, David Sap, Erika Banet, Mr. Z, Mr. Wonsil, Carter, Amy Potter, Rachael Kroll, the Nevarez Babies, Pat, Brian the Trainer, Coach T, Jesse Junkin, Binno, Kris, Matt Hickey, Dakota, Mrs. Fitz, Wendy Skorupski, Heather, Lindsey, Izzy.

Enclosure